I’m going to be alone another Valentine’s Day, what is wrong with me?
“One is in their own self the wanderer, the exile, the homecoming and the home” Anandamayi Ma
The answer to this one is quite easy: there is undoubtedly nothing wrong with you. But the feeling that there is must be very painful.
I was working with one of my clients in her 30s yesterday and she spoke of the difficulty of being single. She really wants to have children, made worse by the fact that all of her friends seem to be having babies. As they become more baby-focused she feels she is being left behind. On top of that, she doesn’t feel she can really talk about this with her friends. Their tone of pity only reinforces that idea that they are now part of a different club.
Paradoxical to the statement that there is nothing wrong with you, I want to ask a question in return: What aspects of yourself would you change so that you felt powerful, engaged, and in control of your life beyond whether you have a partner? What does the freedom of being single offer you that one might not have if tied down by relationship or children?
I want to suggest you allow yourself to have the feelings around being single for about 15 minutes per day. Attempting to suppress feelings actually makes them stronger. After you have had a good cry or rant, go about the business of making your life and self-extraordinary. I suspect you will have experiences and growth that your partnered friends would be jealous to hear about at the next baby shower. While this may not completely eliminate the feelings associated with being single, you can at least know that you are a supportive and loving partner to yourself.